dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
