we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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