i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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