Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
