he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
