get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
