It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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