I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
