You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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