so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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