I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
