He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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