"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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