mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
