you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize