Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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