he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
worst night to have a conscience
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is Oprah even human
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
