So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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