the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
