we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
