You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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