it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
