Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
