just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
