Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
