so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
