but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
