Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
