OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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