How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize