a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize