k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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