I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
