My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
