Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
