Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
