This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
