so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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