It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
