he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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