you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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