every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
