with your own penis?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
