Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
