based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
