ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
