my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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