yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
