i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
