If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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