Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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