after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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