Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
