so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
