He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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