Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
