Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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