currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All the doctor said was why
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