She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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