yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
