hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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