Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
