If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found puke in my bra..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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