You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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