Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
