I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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