he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
