Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
