I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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