I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How does one acquire holy water?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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