Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
