Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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