Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
