My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
try to milk me bitch
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