She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
