we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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