need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
