I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I met the friendliest cop last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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