i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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