I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
