Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
