6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
