at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
